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Alpha's Remorse After Her Death

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CHAPTER ONE

Am I His Wife?

"Sorry, the Alpha is upstairs with his lady. We don’t take visitors without an appointment."

"Sorry, the Alpha is upstairs with his lady. We don’t take visitors without an appointment."

What? His lady? Then who am I...

Three years of secret marriage, I was never allowed to step foot inside his company building.

Now I stood in front of the receptionist’s desk at the company headquarters clutching a gift box in my hands. Inside was a surprise that I knew Julian, the Alpha of Thorn Pack and my husband, would be overjoyed to receive. This could fix everything for us.

But she’d said Julian was with his lady. That couldn’t be right. If anybody was his lady, it was me. I was his wife.

My stomach sank with confusion and fear. Who was up there with him?

We’d met in medical school, where he’d defended me from the other students’ ruthless harassment. I was a human, and the other students were werewolves who didn’t believe I belonged at the pack university.

Back then, Julian’s protective nature had been endearing. Little did I know that the patterns formed in medical school would follow me for the rest of my life.

Because I’m a human, Julian didn’t allow me to become Luna when we wed. In fact, he kept our marriage secret. Out of worry for how I would be treated as the Alpha’s human wife.

Through all that, though, I still wore the diamond necklace Julian had given me. The necklace that marked me as his chosen mate.

And now, I carried his child. The ultimate fulfillment of the promise he’d made when he gifted me the necklace all those years ago.

I was flooded with happiness.

Maybe I’d been a little naive. I’d never been to his office before. In fact, I’d never been to company headquarters at all, as Julian thought it best that I keep mostly to the house and away from prying eyes.

“There must be some mistake,” I said, trying to keep my voice as steady as possible, even as my pulse beat wildly in my throat. “I’m Alpha Julian’s wife.”

The receptionist looked at me, confusion flashing in her eyes before being replaced by customer-service sheen. “Alpha and his fated mate are together right now. I’ve never heard anything about him having a wife, especially not a human who isn't even a wolf.”

I could feel embarrassment and confusion creeping up my skin, turning my neck and face red. Instinctively, I clutched the box in my hands closer to my chest.

“Please, just let me go up and see Julian,” I said. “It’s important. He’ll clear everything up for you, I promise.”

The receptionist recoiled with my casual use of Julian’s first name without his title. Her face hardened at the perceived disrespect, and I kicked myself for the slip up. I’d used Julian’s name the way we did at home, when we were just two people together, not a human and an alpha.

“Ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you to leave the premises,” the receptionist said, all pleasantness gone from her voice.

Behind her, I could see the elevators. If I could just make it into one and get to Julian’s floor, everything would work out. He’d explain the misunderstanding. He’d celebrate our baby with me.

The elevator doors opened, and I booked it, cradling the gift box under my arm like a football.

“Ma’am! Get back here!” the receptionist called after me.

I didn’t stop. I couldn’t stop. I almost made it into the elevator.

I ran into something large and firm. Looking up, I realized it was a security guard. There were two of them. The receptionist must have notified them of my presence at some point during our conversation.

The guards grabbed me under each arm, practically carrying me back past the receptionist’s desk and out of company headquarters altogether. Once outside, they shoved me away, and the gift box I’d barely managed to hang on to dropped to the ground, the lid coming off and the contents spilling everywhere.

I knelt to the ground, scrambling to pick up the once purposefully organized baby onesies and bibs strewn all over the concrete. I picked up the pregnancy test last, looking at the two blue lines that formed a cross in the little plastic window.

Plus for positive. Plus for pregnant.

I wanted to leave, to go home and hide under the covers and never come out. I thought of the fetus that lived inside me now, and I thought about Julian standing up for me at Wolf University when I was being bullied. I found the courage to wait for him at the company's entrance.

I waited for what felt like hours in the cold wind. I called him, but he hung up without talking to me. The pulse in my throat quickened, my anxiety spreading. Eventually, he came out of the building, but he didn't even look at me.

He was escorting a woman to the shiny black company car waiting on the curb.

“Julian!” I called.

He nodded stoically at me, then helped the beautiful woman into the car. Finally, he turned to me.

"What is it?"

His face was plain, showing no emotion. This was typical for Julian. He’d always been hard to read, even for me, who knew him the best.

I offered him the gift box.

“What are you doing, showing up here like this?” Julian demanded.

“Just take the box. Please,” I begged.

He turned back to the car, apparently indifferent to my pleas. “I thought you understood the position I’m in, Amber. I can’t be publicly linked to a human woman.”

I’d never heard Julian say the word “human” with such purpose, such disdain. He’d never made me feel bad about who I was before.

I pulled the box back to my chest, cradling it like I hoped I would soon cradle my child. I still had no idea what was going on, but suddenly telling Julian about the pregnancy didn’t seem like such a great idea.

A group of reporters sporting microphones and cameras had appeared around us while Julian and I were talking. I imagined the receptionist picking up the phone and tipping off the media about the juicy drama happening at company headquarters. Drama involving a human woman demanding to see Alpha Julian.

But actually, they didn’t come for me.

The woman Julian had ushered to the car emerged. As soon as she appeared, the reporters around us excitedly flashed their cameras.

"This is Olivia!"

"Alpha's fated mate has returned!"

"She's a politician from the Obsidian Pack, responsible for fostering economic cooperation with the Thorn Pack," one reporter said, speaking to a camera on a live broadcast.

The crowd rushed toward us, shoving me off balance. I struggled to protect the already battered gift box, but Julian gently shielded the other woman instead.

She was dressed in an elegant business suit, looking incredibly graceful and beautiful. "Julian, is this one of your fans?" she asked.

"No," Julian said, "I don't know her."

Olivia scrutinized my plain clothes with a disdainful look. "What do you do?"

How could I tell this woman, this elegant professional, that not only was I human, but I was also just a housewife? How could I bring myself that low?

Julian told her to get back in the car. “Be careful with the baby,” he murmured.

The pulse that had been beating in my throat dropped down into my stomach. Olivia was pregnant? With my husband’s baby?

My heart cracked down the middle. Why wouldn’t Julian stop and talk to me? Why wouldn’t he tell me what was going on?

Why the hell my husband got another woman pregnant?

Olivia smiled shyly as she was escorted back into the car. She looked elegant, beautiful, yet humble. The fantasy woman.

The car door shut and reporters swarmed around. The crowd shoved me aside, and I fell to the ground, the gift box once again hitting the cold concrete.

Julian started the car and left without even a glance in my direction.

Everything went black.

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CHAPTER TWO

He's Using You

I woke up in an unfamiliar, sterile room. Even before I opened my eyes, the smells and sounds told me that I was in the hospital.

I opened my eyes to see my best friend, Anna, sitting beside me. That’s when all the memories came crashing back in.

The baby. The gift box. Julian.

That woman – Olivia.

My smile faltered. “Hi,” I said, my voice coming out in a rasp.

“Hey,” Anna said, hurrying over to the sink to fill a little paper cup with water for me. “I’m so happy you’re awake.”

“At least someone is,” I muttered under my breath.

Anna sat down in the vinyl armchair that she’d scooted up against my bed. I could feel her energy shift. She wanted to talk about something serious.

“So, I saw you on the news,” she started. “I mean, I saw Julian on the news, and I thought I caught you in the background of the shot. I decided to drive over to company headquarters.”

I didn’t know what to say, so I stayed quiet.

“When I got there, everyone was gone but you. You were lying on the asphalt, alone.” Anna sucked in a sharp breath, her eyes igniting with fierce protectiveness. “They left you there by yourself. Anything could have happened to you.

“I don’t understand this blind loyalty you have toward him, Amber. He forgot your birthday. Some nights he just doesn’t come home. He says he’s at the office, but you have no way to know for sure because you aren’t allowed to go there. He’s not good for you. He doesn’t care about you. He’s using you.”

Her voice gradually grew more intense. Clearly, as my friend, she had seen too many instances where Julian didn't pay attention to me.

This conversation had happened more than once. I could only steer the topic away.

“You brought me here?” I asked, even though I already knew the answer. Part of me had hoped that Julian had been the one to call for help, to check me in, to handle the paperwork.

Wasn’t that what husbands were supposed to do for their wives?

Anna nodded. “Something really bad could’ve happened if I didn’t show up, Amber.”

“Thank you,” I replied, my voice almost a whisper. Embarrassment flushed through my body.

Anna fidgeted in her seat, like she wanted to say something else. I watched her, wondering what my normally opinionated friend could possibly be hesitant to bring up.

A nurse came in, carrying Jello on a tray. I picked one small, clear plastic cup of red gelatin and thanked her. I dug in with my little plastic spoon.

“Why haven’t you told me?” Anna asked.

My heart sunk for what felt like the hundredth time that day. The gift box. Where was it?

“You found the pregnancy test?” I asked.

“Of course I did. It was lying on the sidewalk, next to your lifeless body.” Anna shook her head. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

What could I say? How could I explain how much I wished this could be a normal pregnancy, between a normal husband and wife? I could only smile bitterly.

Anna looked at me, then shook her head. “The news isn’t even pretending to be unbiased; they’re all shipping Julian and that woman, Olivia.”

I set down my spoon, my appetite suddenly too small, even for Jello.

“It’s not just the news, either. When I was checking you into the hospital, the staff was fangirling over the new ‘power couple.’ The rumor is that Julian booked Olivia’s prenatal checkups here.”

While everyone was so excited about Julian and Olivia, none of them cared about me. None of them realized that their beloved Alpha was already married. None of them knew that secret wife was pregnant as well.

Is she here, in this hospital, too? I thought.

“Look,” Anna said, “I know you wish things were different, but Julian is moving on with his life. That has never been more apparent than today.”

I didn’t like where she was going with this. I considered pushing the button to call the nurse, but I didn’t know what I would tell her when she arrived.

Sorry, my best friend wants to have a conversation that I’m not ready to hear yet. Hope you didn’t have anything serious to do right now.

Anna took my hand, careful not to disturb the skin where the IV needle connected to my veins.

“Amber, I think you should consider giving up the baby. Julian left you, passed out, in the parking lot today. Does he really seem like ‘father of the year’ material?” she asked.

I stayed silent.

“Julian is not going to be present in this child’s life, Amber. He’s hardly present in yours,” Anna continued. “If you decide to keep this baby, you are going to have to do this all on your own.”

I shook my head, clutching my stomach at the same time. Julian or not, I already loved this child. The baby was innocent. In that moment, I knew I would keep the child.

“Okay,” Anna said, sensing my resolve. “Then at least divorce Julian. Leave him, have the baby, and raise them on your own.”

I stayed silent. Even after everything, I’d never considered divorcing Julian.

“Amber, you gave up medicine, a career you loved, for Julian. You gave up your social life just to marry him in secret and become his hidden housewife.” She sneered. “I don’t know how you two had time to make a baby, considering he’s hardly ever even home.”

Of course, Anna didn’t know everything. The time Julian and I were the closest was when we were in bed.

I can't confess to my friend either, that I still had feelings for Julian.

I can still remember when we first met in a bar. We were both students at Wolf University, and the bar was frequented by our cohorts after class. I’d never been much for drinking, but as one of the few humans at the school, I grabbed on to any opportunity to socialize and feel like I fit in with the rest of the class.

I spotted Julian across the room at the bar a couple minutes before he saw me. Everyone knew that the Thorn Pack Alpha attended our school, but this was the first time I’d seen him in the flesh. I’d noticed his dark black hair that curled slightly at the nape of his neck, his piercing blue eyes, and his lithe, athletic frame, but I’d looked away quickly.

Julian had done so much for me at school, defending me from the bullies in our class who couldn’t stand that a human had gotten into the same medical program as them. I doubted the gorgeous Alpha would want to socialize with me outside of class, though. Why would he want to burden himself with defending me outside of school hours?

Then, he’d approached me. Although he walked with confidence, I could tell he’d had a lot to drink, his feet wavering a little with every step. I was shocked when he’d stopped at my table, sure he’d been intending to woo one of my she-wolf classmates at the table next to mine.

“You’re beautiful.” The words came out in a drunken growl. I blushed. I couldn’t deny that I’d had a crush on Julian ever since he’d stood up for me the first time at school.

“You’re drunk,” I said, trying to be cool, taking a sip of the beer in front of me.

“Maybe,” he’d said, “but that doesn’t make your beauty any less real.”

I’d laughed and asked him to take a seat.

A few beers later, I stood up to leave. Julian stood up, too, wobbling on his feet. He grabbed my hand.

“I mean it,” he’d said. “You’re gorgeous.”

Before I could reply, Julian’s hands were on my face, and then his lips were on mine. I raised my hands to feel his strong sides, his muscles rippling under my touch.

He’s so drunk, I thought. He’ll never remember this. He won’t even remember who I am.

In that moment, though, I didn’t care. I was too enveloped in his soft, insistent lips on mine, his tongue flicking into my mouth. I was too distracted by the damp heat spreading inside my panties.

When Julian pulled away from me, taking my hand and pulling me towards the bar door, I didn’t resist. When Julian opened the door to the car waiting outside and ushered me inside, I didn’t tell him I had to go home. When Julian undressed me in his room, I didn’t tell him to stop.

That was the first night we slept together. That was the first night I slept with anyone. Julian was so kind, insistent on my pleasure and my comfort, demonstrating what I could do to feel good and to make him feel good.

After that, we became friends with benefits. It wasn’t what I wanted from him. I couldn’t deny that I was in love with him, the crush I’d developed on him only strengthened by our physical chemistry.

Despite the temptation I felt to continue sleeping with him, knowing that Julian didn’t return my feelings was too painful. I decided that I would break up with him, for both of our best interests.

When I asked to end our situation, though, Julian surprised me. He asked me to marry him instead. Or rather, he asked me to sign a marriage contract, with the condition that our relationship would be kept secret. And he would give me income by month.

I understood the logistics of our secrecy, and some part of me realized that, despite our history, Julian still didn’t see me as a legitimate partner. I was ecstatic anyway, hopeful that in marriage Julian would realize my value. After all, marriage tied us together permanently.

I decided not to pursue my medical career to become his housewife, and for a long time, that life was enough for me. We still had a vibrant sex life that stoked the flames of my love for him, and the day-to-day responsibilities of caring for him fulfilled me for a while.

I loved preparing dinner from him, always anticipating the look of bliss when he raised a forkful of his favorite meal to his lips. At night, when thoughts of what my life could have been threatened to occupy my mind, I would look at him sleeping next to me, and the thoughts would disappear. He looked so innocent at night, the muscles in his face relaxing, softening his features.

And at night, when he’d peruse his documents on the sofa, sitting on the covers I’d carefully woven for him, I would sit in the armchair near him, reading a book, and sometimes he would reach over and pat my hand.

Even though I was an afterthought compared to the rest of Julian’s busy life, he treated me well. And I got to be with him.

I thought of the gift box, then pushed the thought away. I just needed to talk to Julian.

I pushed myself out of bed, wanting to go find a nurse to ask if the baby was okay after my fall.

When I stepped outside, though, I ran into Olivia. I guessed the rumors were true. She was here for her prenatal check-up.

He’d found out I fainted. He’d come here to check on me. I was surprised, but my heart soared with hope that the whole day had been one strange misunderstanding.

Then he shielded Olivia behind him, as though I were a threat to her. He frowned. “What are you doing here?”

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